I send you a virtual hug and chocolate.

Dr. J LOVES Valentine’s Day. He loves making the cards and giving gifts. He’d probably do it all day if I let him.

I confess. I hate the mess and the OCD behavior that comes with today. I’m really not a fan of the crashing and running as an expression of excitement.

But, I know that my son loves the day. So, I’m going to do my best to buck up and give him a fun day. Even if I have to drink three cups of hot chocolate and empty a can of whipped cream to get through it.

And it really is sweet to watch him give of his heart to show his love for his family and friends.

Before we go, here are a few things I love:

Annie Eskeldson’s book Ashi’s Birthday and Other Dreaded Days–helps folks understand what holidays throughout the year are like for kids with autism.

Bobbi Sheahan’s book What I Wish I’d Known about Raising a Child with Autism–fantastic read for those who are new to autism. You’re not alone!

Enjoy Life Double Chocolate Crunchy Cookies–yes, even though you have a food allergy, you can still enjoy a fabulous cookie!

Future Horizons–yes, I review for them, but I LOVE their materials! Their books are informative and practical. They publish for Temple Grandin, what more could you want? You can use my referral code HATS and get 15% off any order no matter what size, and free shipping if you’re in the continental US. That discount applies to conferences, too!

I also love Wit & Wisdom from the Parents of Special Needs Kids: Mostly True Stories of Life on the Spectrum. Yes, I have a story in there, but that’s not the only reason I love it. It’s like a support group in your book bag!

And just in case you want something else to celebrate, today is the day the Ferris Wheel was invented. Happy Ferris Wheel Day!

Now it’s your turn? What are you doing to help your child enjoy the day, whether it’s give him a quiet day or make her favorite cake?

Thank you so much, Jenny, for asking me to be Wednesday’s Woman!  I would love to tell your readers about some exciting developments in autism research and hopefully enlist their involvement.

I met my first child with Asperger’s Disorder in 1973. I was a college student working in afterschool day care. I didn’t know what Asperger’s Disorder was at that time (nor did anyone else in the U.S.). All I knew was that I had a very quirky new fourth grader who would not quit talking about dinosaurs and could not seem to relate to anyone but me on the playground.

It was 25 years later that I came to understand more about autism spectrum disorders (ASD) and began to conduct research in the area of high functioning ASD. Since 2004, as an Associate Professor at Texas Woman’s University in Denton, I have had the privilege of working with a team of students dedicated to children and adolescents with ASD. We have worked with more than 100 children with Asperger’s Disorder and high functioning autism to determine best practices for evaluating students with high functioning ASD. We became acquainted with their parents and some of their siblings and developed a better understanding of their needs. We have conducted social skills groups for children, adolescents, and college students on the spectrum, and have provided support groups for their parents.  We have also researched the provision of disability support services to individuals with ASD in colleges across the country.  This enabled us to write a booklet that can serve as a guide in the transition from high school to college.

In my private practice, I have worked with children, adolescents, adults, and parents who were affected by ASD. I find that the problems we see with children – anxiety, difficulty making and keeping friends, sensory issues, and limited interests – continue into adulthood.  Individuals with ASD continue to need support, and their parents continue to provide that support until they are quite elderly.

Siblings without ASD also play a very important role in the support that individuals with ASD need.  With that in mind, our current line of research focuses on the role of siblings and their feelings about having a brother or sister with ASD.  So much of the research has focused on the family members with ASD; in this study, we are turning our attention to their siblings.

Speaking of siblings, here are a few tips to help you as you try to  balance your family dynamics:

• Try not to forget that all of your children need your undivided attention at some point in their day.
• Help your children develop their own interests and encourage their participation in it. Then, help your child develop a support group around that activity. For example, other parents, extended family members, or others you can count on in a pinch.
• Tell your children about autism using language they can understand and plan to revisit the topic frequently as they mature.

Here is my appeal to Jenny’s readers:  If you or someone you know has a child with ASD and a child without ASD, I encourage you to take our survey at: https://www.psychdata.com/s.asp?SID=144893   The information gathered will be used to help train future Ph.D.’s in the field, and we hope that it will result in a book as well.

I appreciate your input.

Kathy DeOrnellas, Ph.D.

Kathy DeOrnellas, Ph.D. and Bobbi Sheahan are the authors of What I Wish I’d Known About Raising a Child With Autism; A Mom and a Therapist Offer Heartfelt Guidance for the First Five Years (Future Horizons, 2011).  It is available at www.fhautism.com  (for a 15% discount and free shipping, use the code BOBBI at checkout), or wherever books are sold.  You can also connect with both Bobbi and Dr. DeOrnellas on Twitter at @BobbiSheahan and @kdeornellasphd.

If you’d like to read my review of Dr. Kathy’s book, you can find the entire review here, on Home Educating Family Reviews.

Homeschooling mom Bobbi Sheahan is funny. She’s down-to-earth. She has four children, and two of them have special needs. One of her daughters has autism. I’d say these things make her the perfect choice for writing What I Wish I’d Known about Raising a Child with Autism. Frankly, I wish I’d had this book over two years ago!

Bobbi teamed up with her daughter’s psychologist, Dr. Kathy DeOrnellas, to write this book that gives “heartfelt guidance for the first five years.” These ladies wrote What I Wish I’d Known for those who wonder if their child might be on the spectrum and for those who know their child is on the spectrum. If you are an autism parent, you will laugh, cry, nod your head, and learn some things. You will feel as if you have met people who understand. You will feel like you are not alone.

To read the entire review and see if I think her book is really worth $14.95, head on over to Home Educating Family reviews. What are you waiting for? Don’t you want to see what I think of Bobbi’s book? THERE’S A GIVEAWAY! Go!

Never go in against an Aspie when TIME is on the line!

Now, really, we could say this of probably most kids on the autism spectrum, but that doesn’t fit as well. Unless we said, “Never go in against autism when time is on the line!”

One of the things my friend Cheryl wrote years ago that I will probably never forget is this: “Time is irrelevant to [her son].” I read that and thought, “Wow. That is SO true!” And it still is. I just know there are a lot of parents out there who are nodding there heads at this, thinking of all the times the words, “C’mon! We’re late” have escaped their mouths, knowing that only makes

autists.

move.

s.l.o.w.e.r.

and s…l…o…w…e…r…

(Don’t worry, I won’t do it again. I’m too impatient to keep typing like that!)

You know, I think perhaps it is the pressure of the time freezes my autist. But he’s not old enough to explain it to me yet. And trying a timer? Forget it. Completely falls apart. Bawling. On the floor. Frozen.

We were just talking about this at SM2 (my autism moms support group) last week. Our kids fall apart and take HOURS to do things that, if they calmed down and focused, would be done in ten minutes and they could go have fun!

And yes, I know All Kids Do That. But this is more than lollygagging, and it goes past they typical age. (And for a great post on “all kids do that”, see what my friend Jillsmo has to say over here.)

So, am I the only one? C’mon, I know I’m not! It’s your turn! Do you agree or disagree: Never go in against autism when TIME is on the line!

And there is.

In the article, Jenefer Igarashi shares her personal story of how she was pregnant three times by the age of 19, and she was desperate. What follows is a story of amazing grace, love, and compassion.

In honor of Sanctity of Life Sunday (January 22nd), Home Educating Family has put the article up on their blog, and also embedded a video of Jenefer sharing her story. The video is a bit different than the article–shares some details not mentioned–and is definitely worth a watch. I’ll warn you, though. You’ll need Kleenex.

You can find Jenefer’s story here.

One day the mommy had an idea. “I could get my son a rainmaker toy. He would enjoy watching the beads fall down, down, down through the holes. The rain-like sound they make as they cascade down will distract him from his anger, and be soothing to his spirit.” The mommy searched, and eventually found a rainmaker toy.

The mommy, as many Aspie mommies do, made a big deal of this toy. She created a great sales pitch, and explained to her little man how it was an Aspie tool. She showed him the beads falling and pointed out the calming sound they made. The mommy told her Aspie that when he started to get angry, he could get his rainmaker toy, sit on her bed, and calm himself by watching it.

She had high hopes.

The Aspie son decided to check out his new rainmaker toy. He took it to his favorite corner of the couch, curled up his legs, and tipped it over. The mommy went to the kitchen to start dinner, smiling as she thought of how this was going to help her son.

A few minutes later, in the midst of chopping vegetables, the mommy heard a different sound. It was not pleasant like rain drops. It was banging. And more banging. AND MORE BANGING. Her Aspie was banging on the top of the rainmaker toy. He was not calm. He was becoming frustrated. Quite frustrated, in fact.

You see, this little man was frustrated. Some of the beads were stuck at the top, and were not going down the little holes. Like they were supposed to. They were not following the rules. 

And so, what was intended to be a calming toy became of source of consternation and now lays discarded on the bedroom floor.

Moral: Things are not always as they seem.

Now it’s your turn! Have you ever had a time when you bought something for your child, and things went horribly wrong, or it got used in a much different way than you anticipated? Share your story in the comments!

So, I went to work. I started gathering posts from special guests. Saturday was the first post. Holly Nelson was gracious enough to share about being a single parent, special needs homeschooler. Saturday morning I started spreading the word. It sounded something like this:

Hey friends, I’ve been advocating for you in the mainstream magazine world. Help me spread the word so I can back up what I’ve been saying! Please stop by so we can continue to get things for the special needs community.

And do you know what happened? “My people” backed me up. They spread the word! They stopped by. Their friends stopped by. And by the looks of things, THEIR friends stopped by! I was so excited! I told my husband, “I have the best Tweeps [Twitter people]! I got the Tweeps and the Mommas on it!” The post had 226 views in the first day!

If you haven’t had a chance to stop by Holly’s post yet, I highly recommend it. Whether you are homeschooling or not, special needs or not, I think all parents can benefit from her post. If you have stopped by, make sure you continue to visit! Every Saturday will be a special needs post. Thank you to everyone who helped spread the word.

Head on over to see what I think of this book, and enter to win your own copy. I’ll tell you this much, if you have someone that’s going to be 13 or up with high-functioning autism or Asperger’s, you want this book. It is fabulous for helping teens learn about social skills. Now, go try to win a copy!